With the Summer and the London 2012 Olympics over with, and the ‘back to school’ promotions finished now that school, college and university students are all back, many are beginning to turn their attention to Christmas. M&S already have seasonal red and white carrier bags in circulation, Sainsbury’s has got its ‘seasonal’ aisle packed with confectionary and snacks (which will be rather close to their best before date by Boxing Day) and the Slug and Lettuce pubs have got their Christmas trees up in the entrance. Yes, it’s the second week in October.
Around Christmas and immediately after, there’s invariably a big push to promote fitness DVDs to cash in on the fatties desperate to squeeze themselves into that not-so-little black dress at the office Christmas party, and the lards who decide they need to do something about the three stone they gained gorging themselves on mince pies, buffets and endless turkey roasts over the festive season, not to mention the copious quantities of calorific celebratory booze.
High-energy aerobic exercise isn’t for everyone, and not everyone wants to see some celebrity bimbo prancing around while telling them to ‘work it’. For these reasons, amongst others, gentle low-impact exercise like yoga and pilates is often a popular alternative to boxercise, dance workouts and zumba.
The Church of England today announced it would be releasing its own Christian exercise DVD. Entitled Pontius Pilates, it will feature gentle stretching and breathing exercises that date back to the time of Christ. The workout instructions were found in an ancient scroll containing a version of one of the scriptures that was recently discovered in the same collection that contained the so-called ‘Gospel of Jesus’s Wife’. Positions featured on the DVD include well-known ones that are still popular today, such as The Lotus, The Cat and The Crab, as well as some which have been lost for centuries, like The Nail and The Crucifix.
The RRP for Pontius Pilates will be £12.99 – but rather than paying full price, why not wait a bit? The chances are they’ll be flogging it off cheap around Easter.
Pontius Pilate prepares for take-off
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